Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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