hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
