its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
