Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
