I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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