i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
