When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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