Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
