I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
