We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
