There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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