She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
