Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
