Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
