Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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