Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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