Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
