can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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