so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
