i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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