Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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