ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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