Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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