are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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