Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there was a trapeze. enough said
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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