Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
