You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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