Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
