cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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