i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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