I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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