Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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