yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
