last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
