so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?