i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
