I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
