If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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