Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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