OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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