dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize