i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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