Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
