Say something about gay babies.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
