I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
