I cockslap morals
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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