He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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