His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
