You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
