I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
