Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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