weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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