I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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