Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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