i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
pop tarts are not kleenex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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