I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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