so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
