Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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