So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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