Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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