I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
