hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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